i just feel depressed..

I just have this sudden urge to write this.. after talking to a friend about soccer stuff... And after a while i sort of found out we had quite similar thinkings.. probably because we both play A division football before. What i write is just how i feel and my opinions. Its just purely on the pitch stuff...No aiming at any individuals... Well everybody are entitled to their opinions.
We are doing quite well in ESPZEN now.. i know that but sometimes its more than results that matter. Its the way we play our football. In my opinion, i dont feel that referees are an issue. True, referees are not always correct, and sometimes a decision may favour a team. But thats excatly what he is there for. What i'm saying that its a 2 way street.. it goes both ways.
Another thing which i think shouldn't be done is to substitute players in to "take out" our opponents or try to get them sent off. Its a stupid thing to do, and i dont think we're smart enough to do it either. We'll probably get OURSELVES sent off from the way i see it.
Thirdly, i dont see why in our team, the goalkeepers get the stick for everything. In fact, goalkeepers should be the last on the line if we're included in the "blame-game". For example, when i rush out of my box to clear the ball and get it, i dont expect any praises. When i get lobbed and it results in a goal, people straight away point at me and say its my fault. What about the guy who is supposed to track the striker? Or the guy who gave away the free kick? Or maybe someone who gave a needless tackle?
Bottom line is, unless the goal is taken straight from the kick off spot, everybody shares the blame. My view about this, and i believe most goalkeepers do, is that what ever that comes into the box the keeper has the right to come out for it. Even though its at the side or whatever. And, do not tell me things like "what the fuck you doing?" or "dive leh". I think some people take the goalies for granted. Its like every goal that we concede its our fault. To put it crudely i don believe that anybody can play keeper better than me and Aaron in the whole team, except maybe Benson, who was once SAJC NO.2. Sometimes we're just wrong footed and sometimes u try to move but u know its too late or you are just rooted to the spot.
Call me complacent, call me proud. But since when have you heard me brag about myself. My jokes are always about the TEAM being good, not me, believe it or not. But anyway i dont think any of the outfield players know how to play keeper any better than me if not as good as me. I know my own standards and i'm not shy to say that i think that i am above average. I know my strengths, my weaknesses better than any of you. But if you want to teach me a thing or two about goalkeeping, make sure u can do it better than me before you do. I'm more than willing to learn to improve my own game. But honestly now i dont think theres much to learn about goalkeeping from all of you. Just like how you all mock me when i take penalties. Its the same feeling when you all try to lecture me on goalkeeping. Get the point?
And the threats about dropping me. If its just a joke its okay with me. If its not then bring it on. Excluding Aaron and Benson i don't think any of you are going to provide me with a challenge. Dont tell me you have a prime league keeper or you have played with a better keeper or whatever fuck like that. Similarly I've played with better defenders, midfielders strikers etc...Just that Benedetto is YOUR team, so i cant bring in people to play just like that..Like i mentioned earlier, i know my own standards. I fought my way up to become TEAM JJ's NO.1 too so i will do the same too...My ex coach respected me for the fact that i worked my way up when i was a nobody who had never played field soccer before. And i respect him for having faith in me and i still do. I've won A DIV 3rd before so dont presume that i've not won anything before in my life and i think that will be the greatest achievement in my entire "footballing career". Some of you may think coming in 3rd is not a great achievement anyway. I feel even winning ESPZEN or some other tournament is nothing compared to that. I was a nobody in J1 and was not even selected for trials. Mr Ng gave me a 2nd chance in J1 and Mr Shankar gave me a chance when i was in J2 when i retained another year. I'm grateful to them for giving me the opportunity to become the player i am today. I've always agreed with them on how football should be played. No diving, no trying to get people sent off, the best way to retaliate is to keep scoring and scoring and scoring.
Dont talk to me about attitude on the pitch. I believe that there are people with worse attitudue then me. Some people say my attitude on the pitch sucks. I absolutely disagree. Every game i play i play to win, I DONT PLAY DIRTY, i respect my opponents unless i feel they dont deserve my respect. I NEVER RETALIATE. By the way theres a difference between playing hard and playing dirty. My temper is always in check so dont worry about me.
I might have offended a few people along the way. But its my own opinion. I feel its better than talking behind their backs about this and that.
Just to let everyone know that goalkeepers are the last line of defence. If opponents get so near to us, something is wrong in the front. So dont almost point the finger at the people between the posts. And if anyone of you think i dont deserve to wear the jersey for Benedetto anymore, feel free to just tell me.. I'm willing to give it up because i think sometimes that i'm not fit to wear the jersey too due to my off the pitch problems. I'm being honest here, since some of you want me dropped, i'll return the team my jersey... if thats why you want... Anyway sometimes i feel that i'm just here because you need a goalkeeper...doesnt matter too...